All About Jay

I'm not sure who to credit with this post, but I've seen it going around and thought I'd contribute too, especially since I missed out on doing the last meme. Plus I love talking about my man! So here's all about the man I'm privileged to call HOH:

1.  He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Could be several things: one of our sci-fi, supernatural, or superhero shows. River Monsters or something similar. Anime (ugh!). Cartoons. A sci-fi or action flick.

2.  You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get? Bleu cheese

3.  The most striking thing about his physical appearance? Everything, my guy is HOT! (but I'm a little biased, lol). He has the quintessential "model" type sculpted face that women swoon over, so maybe that. Or his amazing blue eyes, which are often full of mischief.

4.  You go out to eat and have a drink, what does he order? Steak or a burger, depending on the place, and Dr. Pepper. Even if we're at a bar, his drink will always be Dr. Pepper.

5.  Where did he go to high school?  In Texas

6.  What size shoe does he wear? 12.5 or 13

7.   If he were to collect anything, what would it be? Hats (as in caps), he has a ton of them, and he says they all are about memories, as well as he likes to wear them everyday. Oh and fishing gear. He currently has enough to probably start a small store.

8.  What is his favorite type of sandwich? Smoked oysters and sardines with a splash of tabasco, cheddar cheese, garlic, and Claussen dill pickles (yeah I'm trying not to yak even as I write this, ewwww!)

9.   What would he eat every day if he could? The only answer I knew he'd jump to give cannot be printed here (blushing). So I actually asked him for an alternative answer, even though I think this meme is supposed to be done without asking him. He replied, "a solid protein form of Dr. Pepper if there was such a thing." (What?!! I think I'll stick to my answers from now on, lol!)

10.  What is his favorite cereal? Frosted Mini Wheats

11.  What would he never wear? Pink

12.  What is his favorite sports team? Magically, whatever team is playing my team (he doesn't like sports unless he's actually playing, but he loves heckling me, lol). 

13.  Who did he vote for in last election? Not telling 

14.  Who is his best friend? Me! :)

15.  What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?  Ha, unfortunately there's a lot, poor guy! Hmmm, let's see...taking forever to get ready when we're going someplace, taking forever in the grocery store, always having to have the last word, procrastinating on everything, there's a lot more, but that's what I came up with off the top of my head

16.  You bake a cake for his birthday; what kind? German chocolate cake or cheesecake

17.  What is his heritage? German and Swedish with a little bit of Navajo

18.  Did he play sports in high school? Yes, football, baseball, track, swim, basketball, wrestling, and rodeo

19.  What could he spend hours doing? Fishing. And if I didn't give him such a hard time about it, watching anime or playing video games

20.  What is one unique talent he has? A chance to brag, yay! Jay has a genius-level ability to problem-solve, find shortcuts, and fix anything, and by that I mean ANYTHING. At work, he's not in a position of leadership (they tried to train him to be a manager, but he doesn't want to because of the paperwork and long hours), but both his managers and team leads look to him for guidance and practically revere him, even though they've been working there for like thirty years and he's only been there less than two years. Even upper management of other departments know who he is and respect him. And whoever is on his team on any given day get done at least five times as much work as when they're not, because he helps them and motivates them.

So there you, go, that's who I live with. Never a dull moment in our house, and not only because of me, lol! 

Have a great week everybody! :)

My Job as Housewife

I know there are those of you out there that love nothing more than being a wife and a mother. I wish I was June Cleaver, I really do. But so not. It's hard for me to be a housewife. The Master's Degree earning, feminist part of me really hates that word, by the way. It goes against everything I've been trained to believe in. And maybe that's part of the reason why I struggle so much. I can't seem to stay motivated about daily tasks, about being a housewife, about cleaning and cooking (ugh, it is 2013, right? Why is it my responsibility?). Some of it is about my ADHD, and how hard this stuff is for me, and my fear of being inadequate, and hating not being able to concentrate on something that's so important. I don't believe I can do it sometimes and I'd rather not fail, thank you. But I know that ingrained way of thinking to fight this plays a part too. That dichotomy of thought is the reason I ask my husband for help, then pull away and do the opposite, then give up in self-defeat, then ask him for help again, and when he tries to give it, lash out, or try to outsmart him by doing it my way...yeah I feel sorry for him too. So I often go through this pattern of doing well for a moment, then sabotaging my own efforts and falling flat on my face. And especially if I do really well one day, it's especially hard to keep it up that next day! Like maybe I've used up my energy or concentration allotment for the next few days? I'm not sure. For those of you who get a task list as well, especially after one of those "or else" days, anyone else struggle with can't-behave-two-days-in-a-row syndrome? Ugh!

Yesterday I did everything perfect (bowing). Jay gave me little choice, if I wanted to be able to sit comfortably today. He gave me definite tasks that absolutely had to be done. And made daily offenses worth double. Something about how I needed a wakeup call. And how even though I'd gotten in trouble the night before yesterday for my less-than-instant obedience, he'd let task deadline infractions go that night with the knowledge of what he'd require the next day. So, very little choice. I honestly didn't think I could do it. But I worked hard all day, and I got everything done. I accomplished the near impossible. Just like he said I could. Yesterday night he thanked me for listening to him and doing everything he asked me to do. He also told me that I had just proved I actually could do it (oops, and I was tempted to leave just one little thing undone for that reason!). Of course, my husband knows me. He saw my response to that statement, and shook his head. And gave me a lecture on always doing my best and always striving to be better, not holding myself back so I wouldn't be accountable to work as hard. Ugh, but I knew he was right. I had high hopes for today.

Still, today I've done nothing. I've eaten on time so far, so that's a plus. But as far as tasks, it's like I've been powerless to do anything today. I've played on my phone A LOT. Talked to a few people. And now that my son is sleeping for the moment, I'm on the computer. Granted, Jay didn't give me specific tasks to do today. But I'm not an idiot. I know he still expects me to use my head and use my day to accomplish something. But my head feels fuzzy, and I just want to give into that fuzziness, not fight it like I'm supposed to. I don't feel like trying as hard as I did yesterday. And even though I know intellectually spankings hurt, I just can't seem to care at the moment.

I know, I know, I've got to snap out of it! But how?

Jay talked yesterday about ethics, how hard he works at his job, and I should be seeing this as my job too and giving it the same dedication. It's hard to think of it that way sometimes. Like he's my boss (who gets spanked by their boss?! Geez!). But it does help a little. It helps to see it as a job that I get paid for (not in money maybe, but in having a happy healthy environment for our son, and a grateful husband who feels loved and respected, eager to reciprocate, and even pride in myself, that I can do it), rather than seeing it as the endless thankless drudgery I confess I often see it to be.

And too, I don't want to play the "let's see what I can get away with" game that Jay called me on playing (I think, "everyone needs a hobby" was my response at the time, but then we talked seriously). That lecture actually hit hard, because I can now objectively understand how he feels disrespected by my actions. Especially when all he's trying to do, even when I don't appreciate it, is help. Plus I know when Jay sees me doing my best, even when my best isn't perfect, it takes a huge amount of stress of of him and off our family. Still, I'm not going to say it's not hard to keep that attitude when it's the last thing I feel like doing. When I'd rather be chatting with friends. Or escaping into a cool movie. Or doing anything at all besides this...ughness. This is when maturity comes in, I guess, choosing to do the right thing even when I don't feel like it. Hate that ethics thing he was talking about! Arrgghhh!

So I guess now I should choose to do my job. And accept the consequences for wasting most of the day. And try my hardest for the rest of today, and tomorrow too.

Which means it's my cue to leave, dang. ;)