Hi from Forever Ago

Cough choke cough cough...ack this blog is dusty. I'm not even sure anyone is reading anymore. Which is okay, but if anyone is, especially those lurkers out there in the spankno crowd, I'm sorry. I know that a lot of veteran bloggers have had to leave and it was never my intention to do that.



I have a perfectly good explanation...nope, I got nothin. Not good anyway. Finding time maybe. It's not truly that I don't have time. More like any time that I have I feel so mentally exhausted my brain goes to mush. Only activities that don't require a lot of brain power allowed. Like playing Candy Crush. Or maybe just staring blankly into space?


I can tell you that I've started writing posts a hundred times, but being the bit OCD perfectionist that I am where every post has to be rewritten, edited, and checked to ad nauseum, they just got started and left. Or almost finished and left (what was wrong with that last draft? I can't remember why it's sitting there unpublished? Oh yeah waiting for a picture?). And then pretty soon it's outdated and I have to start again.



Anyway, hi.


It's hard to fill you in on what's been happening here, in a nutshell just trying to keep my feet on the ground while I keep up with the joys of motherhood. In short, the transition from one to two kids was super difficult for me, much more than I could ever have imagined. Even almost two years later, I don't think I even still have a handle on it. My daughter hasn't entered the stage where she starts to test the boundaries seriously yet, and I thank God for that. I see it below the surface, and sometimes shockingly clearly, but mostly she's an angel that charms everyone she sees, including me.


My son though, oh my son. He's so amazing so full of life. But the transition he's had since his sister was born was no small thing. I don't think he's as difficult as he was last year, where almost every day was so overwhelming I wasn't even sure how to handle it. But he's regressed lately, and it can be pretty discouraging again. I feel a lot like I'm at my wit's end. Literally my wit is over, gone over a cliff. Probably to get away from this demon child. I want my sweet son back. I know he's in there somewhere. I've just got to be patient though and understanding, and that's not always easy. But I'm working on it.


Jay and I are good. Not much difference there. He's a wonderful father and husband thankfully. He supports me, encourages me, and we're as strong as ever in our marriage.


There's no DD at the moment. I know, lucky me! I think so too! It's great not having to worry about being in trouble! :D

 

All right, fine. I'll admit that there might be an "or else" list that I might have to accomplish before tonight. And last night hurt (ouch!). But there's still no DD right this second! Jay is at work for a couple more hours. And so I'm as free as a bird. Oh go with me here, I said at the moment! 


Ok being serious, Our dynamic is alive and well. It's changed a bit, because of what we've determined together works better for us right now. Pregnancy seemed to leave me with a permanent pain intolerance, way more than I had before which I didn't think was possible. So we simplified things. Our dynamic heavily emphasizes almost daily maintenance instead of punishment (as long as I get that dratted list done tonight that I'm still procrastinating on!). He only uses one implement now that I can handle a lot more than the others (thank you Rogue again1), and I'm just fine with that.


I'll admit it keeps me grounded. During times we've stopped, it's been pretty clear what the benefits are, and why, even though I complain about it, it's the best choice for us. 


So there you go, a post. Fully written phew. Not even edited really. But I should probably get this out before a few more months pass. So gosh darn it, I'm hitting "publish" this time!



 And great, talking about the benefits of DD made me suddenly feel all convicted. I better get off the computer and out of  la la denial land. Back to the reality of being a DD wife. That's loved and cherished and taken care of. And "taken care of". Gah!


 I better get started on that pesky "or else" list. ;)