Still Alive

It's been so long, sorry about that. I'm not able to be here much, but I did want to give a quick update so you know I'm still alive (both of us, ha!).


The good news is that unlike my last pregnancy, my nausea for the most part has subsided, yay! The bad news has been that it's been replaced with other horrible symptoms, stuff I never would have expected, especially for it being only my second trimester. True, it could be worse; I may not be able to barely walk around my house, but at least I'm not in the hospital or something. And while my toddler may not be able to do much with a mom that's always having to lie down, and never able to go anywhere, at least I know he's very very happy. Still, days are hard to get through.


But it's all become easier to handle lately because I found out...I'M HAVING A GIRL!!!!


To say I am ecstatic with this news is an understatement; I'm no longer crying every day like I was about trying to cope (just now once every few days, ha!).


Also making things easier, Jay has also given up his previous "suck it up" stance, and become so supportive, even shocking me with his gentleness and understanding. The other day, I found my old journal going back to my first days in DD, before I was even brave enough to comment on blogs, with all my thoughts about what happened each day between us (by the way, to all you newbies reading, I highly recommend doing this, especially those that don't have a blog. It's absolutely invaluable for processing your thoughts, tracking how you're doing, and later, realizing how far you've come). At the time, I had been pregnant with my first, and both of us were still feeling our way, not only in this dynamic, but also in learning basic love and respect for each other. In reading, I was so amazed the difference between last pregnancy and this one, how massively Jay has grown, much more than I had even realized. How much I can depend on him now. Yeah, he'll still tease, because he's Jay, and of course act all HOH-y, but whenever I need it, he's there to reassure me. What a good mom I am, how well I'm doing. How it's ok if the house is a mess, taking care of our daughter is more important, and taking care of myself is more important. He still pushes me some, but he also takes into consideration how I'm feeling always. He assures me he understands my emotions are a mess, that I'm not who I want to be right now, that he's not taking it wrong, even when he unfairly gets the brunt of it.  I do of course get reminded about respect, and reminded how he doesn't deserve that, but at least I know he's not resentful or anything. That's something I fear right now, because I don't often feel in control of much these days. I do try, but I also miserably fail a lot, and I don't want it to damage how far we've come. Nor do I ever want him to feel unappreciated, even if I can't always show it. So all the times we're able to talk and I'm able to tell him that, and be reassured that he gets it mean so much. Honestly, I need that so often right now, I cling to it.


The discipline part of our dynamic hasn't largely been in the forefront these days, which I've been super okay with. I do keep thinking we're on break, and get a rather rude awakening sometimes. But in general he's been pretty lenient. I have been warned though to enjoy it while I can. Something about not expecting to be able to sit down much during the transition back once I'm not pregnant anymore. Eep.


Well there you go, all my news for right now. I miss everyone, just can't do much right now. But one of these days I've got to go read lots and lots and find out how everyone's doing. You are all still in my thoughts and prayers though.


And now it's back to resting for me. I'll try to update a little sooner next time though. :)