A Brief Rant

Okay I know I've been gone eons (again!), but can I just rant for a brief moment? That may involve yelling at  lecturing(ha!)   pleading earnestly to all the HOH's out there to understand something important. This is something I've been talking about lately with more than one person, and can be such an unnecessary source of tension, that I feel I HAVE to say something. Particularly for those relationships that involve a decidedly unsubmissive, that chose this for the good that it does, and not because it's fun or exciting.



HOH's! The measure of whether you are successful as a leader is not whether you see some dramatic change in your partner's behavior. Hopefully you will. But that's not the case with everyone. Particularly if you're doing this with a decidedly UNsubmissive, who don't do this because it's fun or exciting or sexy. Who do this dynamic because the benefits so far outweigh the sacrifice, that it's a no-brainer.



You may get discouraged that we don't seem to listen. That we seem to do the opposite always even when we say we're trying. I'm not talking about bratting or games. I'm talking about realizing that if we say we're serious about our role, perhaps we actually are. The thing you may struggle to accept is that that's just built into our personality, it's always going to be a struggle. And you may always have to discipline for things over and over. So instead of getting discouraged that you aren't doing your role well enough, or that "things aren't working, so what's the use" consider what truly matters, the thing that matters more than anything else.



What it has done for your relationship.



Are you closer? Do you talk more? Laugh more? Are there ways that BOTH of you have grown? Can you identify a positive difference between the before you started this dynamic and anytime during (even if you may need to work together to tweak or improve things at present)?



That and that only is the thing that's important.



Everything else is an added bonus.