Brutal Honesty

So if you're looking to me as a role model, you better go on to the next blog. Because my attitude right now is not one you should imitate. If you follow my example, you may in fact get in deep trouble. There's no lesson here. This post is simply me venting my brutally honest thoughts for the moment.

There are times that I don't feel submissive (I don't appreciate the mock gasping in surprise, people!). And today is one of those days. Thank goodness my husband doesn't read my blog. Because the truth is, I don't feel like trying today. And I've decided to play the odds.

Earlier today, Jay called me. I should have let the phone ring. But I answered it, because I love to talk to him. Oops, I forgot he might give me tasks to do. And yep, he did. So I decided to try to negotiate.

"Honey, I'm SO tired from working. Could I please, please have a break today? Pretty please?"

"Uh, no." Jay's voice came through my phone loud and clear.

"But I've been working so hard, I haven't even had time to do anything. I just need a day to rest. And then tomorrow I'll do all the laundry and everything."

"Fine, you can do it tomorrow."

"Okay, cool! Thanks so much!" Wow, that went easier than I thought it was going to go.

 "You'll get spanked tonight for everything you didn't get done, but you can definitely do it tomorrow," he clarified.

I cry foul!  He got my hopes up purposely, then dashed them. Grrrr... "Real clever," I commented. "Evil, but clever." I had to give him credit. 

"I thought so."

Men!! "Okay, well, um, I'll try to get that stuff done, but can I at least have a break from everything else?"

"You mean getting up on time, eating on time..."

 "Yes!"

"Why? Because you're still in bed?"

"Kay, you wanted to do this job, no problem. But on the days that you're not working, you need to take care of your responsibilities. That's the way life is. Now I need to get back to work. I love you, I'll see you later this evening."

*       *       *

So now it's getting late. He'll be home in an hour. And what have I accomplished? Pretty much nothing. I even have more time because he's out with my brother fishing, instead of coming straight home.

I know it's not an excuse, but the truth is, this job I've been doing has been hard. And now that it's over, I feel like just being a vegetable. I don't want to listen or obey. I want a day off. He said I couldn't have it. But I've taken the day off anyway. So I'm making a choice, I know that. Will there be a consequence? Probably. I mean, there's a chance that I can figure out something. My husband isn't always consistent. There are times I can get out of it by being good the rest of the night, or he'll be tired enough to decide not to. And while the odds used to be in my favor, I have to admit that they're not anymore. Especially after what he told me on the phone. But there's still a chance. And I'm taking that chance, because I just can't seem to find the motivation to do anything. I know I should be ashamed, but right now, I'm not caring about the consequences. Or rather I'm just trying not to think about them.

Like I said, don't use me as a role model.