Bye Loopholes! I'll Miss You...

I had been in a mood all day. Mad as a hornet (and just as eager to sting!). Furious. Seething. A new policy got instituted in our house. And boy was I not happy. I'm still kinda working through it. What's that Stormy says about "his growth spurts become my growing pains?" Well, here too. Literal ouch.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty much a good negotiator, a born lawyer, you might even say. I love to debate, I love to think outside the box, and I'm an expert at finding loopholes...especially around rules I don't particularly like. What do I mean? Well, let me illustrate. He says a road is closed and to traverse down it is "direct disobedience". That doesn't necessarily work for me. I want to still keep going that direction! So what do I do? I find the road parallel to it, and happily skip down it! Sometimes being so bold as to pick him flowers along the way. Once that's forbidden, I find a bike trail. Then, if I have to, I get some supplies and construct myself a sturdy glider! Anything to keep on doing what I want to do, without actually, ya know, the painful consequences that go along with doing what I want to do. Or the guilt of disobeying!

So as a result, Jay tries to make rules airtight. Those that follow my blog know about my utter hatred of the "whatever" rule for instance, and how far I've gone to circumvent it. And if you don't, and are curious as to what I'm talking about, you can read about that here.and also here. What, you feel sorry for the guy? Yeah, okay, objectively, I'll admit I've exploited loopholes a time or two (or two thousand). But for the most part, it has always been allowed. In fact, Jay has almost always made rules with the knowledge that if he doesn't specify something, that's on him. It's been a good arrangement.

Til now.

It seems Jay is fed up with having to spell out every rule and task with every possible interpretation, and the idea of me often reasoning myself out of trouble. Okay, let me rephrase that. Jay has made it very clear that it's not allowed anymore. Yup, he's taken all my precious loopholes and unraveled them, with one little rule. Or did he turn them into nooses to hang myself with? Either way, it doesn't make for a happy ending anymore. If he tells me not to do something, and I do it, because what I did wasn't exactly what he said not to do, it's an immediate hard spanking for "loopholing" (is that even a word?). If I try to excuse my actions before a punishment or, as he calls it, "stalling", then it makes the punishment worse. Ugh!

As you can imagine, hearing these new policies was not happy news for me. I was more than fine with the way things were before he had to mess things up! So yeah, I was angry that first day. I had an attitude. I kept respectful as much as possible, but really, I was feeling anything but submissive! More like an under the surface "don't come too near me, or I'll claw your eyes out" kind of attitude.That night, as Jay and I laid in bed, we talked a little. He talked about my attitude of late. I apologized, and explained that I had been in a bad mood all day because of my feelings about what he had initiated.

"I know you don't like it," he answered, "but here's the thing. I've been tired of the games for a long time. Every rule I have whether you realize it or not, is to help you and help our family. If you keep fighting everything I do, and pick it apart, just to see if you can get around it, just because you don't like it, then how is this helping you, and what are we doing?" He sighed heavily.

So did I. He was making sense, and I didn't like it.

Finally he spoke again."This is an arrangement you agreed to, right or wrong?"

"Right," I said quietly.

"So either we do this or we don't."

I grabbed onto that. "So um...what if we just didn't?" I smiled brightly.

"Okay, maybe we should explore that option."

Wait! Was I actually hearing him right? "Really?"

"Sure!" he answered cheerfully. "So...let me ask you something. Can you do everything you're supposed to do without being spanked?"

Way to rain on a girl's parade! Geez! I dropped my eyes and fidgeted. "Do I have to answer honestly?" I asked.

Jay laughed. "Kay, you always have to answer honestly. You know that!"

Grrrrrr! "No," I admitted, in a small voice.

"Does the motivation help? And are we happier?"

 He has to ask that? "Yes."

"Okay, then! Do I even have to go there?"

Dang. "No, I guess not."

"Kay, I'm trying to help you! But I can't, if you fight everything I tell you to do! So the bottom line is that loopholes are counterproductive, and they're not allowed anymore! You want to do it, there will be a consequence, completely separate from anything else, and I'm warning you Kay, it won't be light, get it?"

"Yes," I answered, grimacing.

"Good," he answered, cuddling me close for sleep.

But I didn't get it, not really. I mean, was the guy really serious about this? Or was this one of those HOH-y mood things? Hmmmm. So I tested that theory the next morning (I know, I know). I was told to get out of the bed, and not return to it. I was still tired, and not happy about getting up. So I went and laid down on the couch. Next thing I knew he was standing over me, shaking his head.

"Were you warned, Kay?"

"You said not to go back to bed, and I didn't!" I protested, innocently.

"So...you chose to go with a loophole, and lay down on the couch," he said, with emphasis. "And you remember what I said would happen."

"But Honey, I thought you'd give me a warning the first time!"

"Whatever made you think that? Did I or did I not make it clear yesterday again and again?"

"Yes."

And you were warned. So...you brought this punishment on yourself."

He made good on his word the next night, being that it was the next time his sister wasn't around. And I got the message. He's serious. This is not a whim. This is my new reality. So I might as well deal with it.

I guess the big question, as I strive to process through this is, how do I deal with it? I'm examining how I feel, for one. Three words come to mind: I HATE IT! Ugh! Do you know how much more often I'm going to be in trouble before I get used to this rule? How it changes everything! Grrr!

But...really thinking about it, I gotta be honest. I'd like to say he's mean and unreasonable, that he's taking away my voice, and I have a right to be mad. The truth is, though, I just hate it because it means I can't get away with nothin' anymore! I hate it, because it means I can't do what I want and control situations. I hate it because most likely, unless I figure out how to learn REALLY fast, I'm going to be not sitting down a lot! It's also a blow to my pride; game over, he's won. I'm done, I have to surrender, truly submit, not pretend to, then do just enough to save my hide. Harsh realities I have to face. I'd rather live in a fantasy, ya know?

Ugh, this way of life is not easy! It requires us to do things that we don't necessarily want to do. Like admitting he's right (ack, choke, gag). If I am doing what I want, and weaseling my way out of trouble, then why am I taking spankings? I mean, it probably means we'll be at this forever, because I won't truly be learning anything! This is not a game to me. I've improved so much over the past year, both of us have, and I want that to continue. We can't truly do that if I sabotage his leadership. So as much as I hate it, I'm trying to see this change for what it is: a positive thing.

Trying being the operative word. I'll admit: some days I do better at remembering that than others! Those others being particularly when he's enforcing it! Which has been happening a lot lately...arghhh. So for the sake of my sore posterior, I must learn to bid my precious loopholes farewell. That's the mature (okay, only option, if I want to continue to be able to sit without pain) thing to do. And I love my husband, and I'll try to learn this quickly for him.

Still, though, please don't blame me for shouting out as loud as I can write:

I HATE THIS NEW RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!