WHATEVER the Battle, He'll Be There

Whatever, whatever, whatever, what-EVER! Ha! WHATEVER! Great, now that I got that out of my system (for a few seconds)...


We were in the car on the way to somewhere we needed to go. He was talking about something trivial, I can't for the life of me remember what. But I remember the next part. "Yeah, whatever," I was agreeing, rolling my eyes.

His frivolity instantly died. "You're daring to say that again?"

"What?" Was he serious? "Wait a minute! That's so not fair! You weren't lecturing me! I was agreeing with you!"

"Doesn't matter. You know I hate that word. No matter what context it's used in. You're not allowed to say it, and you know it."

His stern voice. Grrr. "Please don't spank me." I pleaded.

"I don't know, Sweetie. That's the second time today. I'm pretty sure I should."

I crossed my arms and pouted. FINE!! I sighed. My rebel self was out to play. "Well," I began, after a long silence, "what if I agreed never to never ever ever say whatever again?"

He laughed. "You just said it again!"

"No I didn't. I was just telling you what word I was referring to."

He gave me the exasperated "are-you-kidding-me" look.

"I could have been talking about any word in the dictionary."

"Nice try. But not good enough."

“But-but you don't understand! It's not my fault! When you say I can't say it, it's like I'm compelled to say it! It's my ADD! It drives me crazy inside my head until I let it out!"

"Sucks to be you." Completely unsympathetic.

"Yes it does! And that's why you should feel sorry for me! I can't control it!"

"Yes you can. And you will, or I will."

"There is no other word that’s quite the same! If you are going to forbid me to say it, you have to provide me an alternative word I can use."

Jay shook his head. "Unbelievable! I'm not going to give you an alternative word. That's not my job. YOU just need to watch your mouth! Got it?"

"Yes, but I don't know how-"

"You better learn quickly, or you're going to be in trouble from here on out. A LOT."

I pouted a little, and he started talking about other things. I don't know what was wrong with me. I may have confused a stupid pill for my post-pregnancy vitamin. But somehow I answered something he said with "what-is-ever."

"I KNOW exactly what you just did. You said the word, just changing it a little!"

"Wow, you're quick!" I said with exaggerated mock surprise. I know, I know, I can be kind of dense when I'm feeling rebellious.

I don't know why, but shockingly, Jay was not amused. "I wasn't sure I was going to, but you just absolutely guaranteed yourself an ass whooping tonight," he informed me. I studied his expression. It was all HOH. Serious! Uh-oh.

"For you to continue to defy me...and then you say that?"

"But honey, you're misunderstanding me! I gave you a compliment on how smart you are!"

"Word game. And it’s not going to work for you either,” he said, pulling into the parking lot.

I turned to stare out the window. “That’s the last time I read you a blog,” I muttered.

Earlier, I had read him a few archived entries from Stormy over at Shelter In the Storm. Digressing a little, if you are reading this, and haven’t checked her blog out, you should. She’s an absolutely brilliant writer, who, like me, can’t stay out of trouble for long, but also has some amazing insights.  

Anyway, getting back to our conversation:

He turned to me, his expression highly amused. “Kay, it didn’t take a blog of someone a lot like you to let me know what you do. I choose to let it go. But just because I let things slide doesn’t mean that I don’t know you and ALL your tricks. And no, you’re not getting out of this one." He grew more serious again. "This isn’t my fault. YOU earned this. And it's happening. Now get your stuff together, and let’s go.”

He exited the car, and I started gathering my things together to follow. I knew I was in trouble. I knew he was justified in punishing me. I need to work on watching what I say, and I’m going to try harder. He deserves that. But honestly, I didn’t want to get spanked! And it sounded like this was going to be a biggie, with no way out. 

And then an idea came to me. A sermon on not being seduced by sexual temptation kind of, well, had a different interpretation at the moment. I could feel my already tarnished halo slipping off, being replaced by shiny cute horns. “You don’t know all my tricks,” I said to myself. Cue evil laugh. And I hatched a plan. 


It worked. Heh heh heh. I still got in trouble, but it was not nearly as severe as it would have been. He kept trying to keep a stern face, and um, wasn’t quite succeeding. And then it was on to more pleasant activities. :D