Sorry everybody. This isn't a happy post. And it's definitely not the next post I was working on writing! I'm processing through my thoughts, so they might be kind of raw, uncensored, even whiny. But it's where I'm at this second.
A lot of times I am optimistic. I can think clearly, and I'm feeling hopeful. The journal thing has actually been working mostly. I've been getting things accomplished. But right now, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be one of those times. Not even close.
It's not that I'm not trying. Well, yeah, I'm on the computer when I shouldn't be, but honestly, doing anything else feels like a lost cause right now. Yes, I procrastinated earlier and I shouldn't have done that. But then I stopped, and I've been trying to get stuff done. The only problem is that it doesn't look like it. My journal is blank. I don't know what to write in it, even. And the more I can't seem to accomplish anything, the more overwhelmed I feel. The more crawling under blankets and watching a movie seems like a great idea. Maybe even worth the spanking I'd get for it. Since I'm pretty sure I'm getting one anyway. Go big or go home, right?
I know, I know, not the right way to think! And I don't want to be in worst trouble! But even more so, regardless of if Jay gives me mercy, I hate messing up! It's just that, when a day start bad, I just can't seem to get the day back, ya know? My concentration just leaves and I'm left stranded! You think I'd get a ton of stuff done to make up for the morning, but I can't force my brain to focus at times like these! And I just don't feel like trying and failing!
Yeah, I'll still do it, though. I'll get up from here and try to get stuff done, even if it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything. Regardless of everything, keep pressing on, right? But I still hate it! Ugh!
Sorry you are having such a rotten day...
ReplyDeleteOn days like this I look to my favorite character "Dorry" for wisdom- "Keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming. (insert your own verbs)
Hope the rest of your day goes better than the beginning. :)
Would it surprise you that I can relate to this? :) When push comes to shove (and my heart is NOT in it) I just turn the radio up and get moving.
ReplyDeleteSending happy thoughts your way!! Visualize a fire.... ;)
sorry you are having a bad day - try taking it half an hour at a time...do a little of something and write it down...then go from there...little steps :)
ReplyDeletegood luck - love and hugs kiwi xxx
Awwwww...
ReplyDeletePut your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder... and squeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzeee! You've cyber hugged from a friend in Canada!
Hang in there!
I'm sorry it's such a crummy day. It's almost over now, but I hope you found the will to do a few things...be proud of each of them. Tomorrow will be better.
ReplyDeleteKay, sweety, you have said you have a diagnosis of ADD. This is not a ruse, not a made up thing, and not an excuse. It is a real condition that comes with an inability to focus, to organize, blurt and do impulsive things. YOu also have a tendency to procrastinate because that way, when you have waited long enough and get totally anxious, your body will produce natural brain chemicals to compensate, that are akin to ADD meds. And THEN...you can get moving. Have you and your husband researched your diagnosis together? Maybe you are being too hard on yourself and maybe both you and your loving guy don't fully understand that it is not that you are bad, wrong, or a mess, but that you have a condition with symptoms that need to be recognized. Being angry with yourself won't help! Hugs, Sara
ReplyDeleteYou know the great thing about DD? We get a clean slate after each time! Sorry you had a bad day sweetheart!
ReplyDeleteWe all can have those bad days. Do you have a lot of them? You seem to feel so terrible about feeling terrible.
ReplyDeleteLynda has been very much like that for many years. I don't know that she is ADD as Sara suggested, but it has been a problem. I decided that she would get spanked if she didn't do what she was supposed to do, even if she felt like this. I wasn't trying to mean, I was trying to bring her out of it. It seems to work for her most of the time and she has far fewer episodes.
Do the research as Sara suggested. Keep pressing on. Life can and will get better.
Kay, this is how I was feeling last night. Ended up not getting a spanking but that stupide cream this morning. It was just a bad day yesterday. And I had been doing so well. I kinda vented last night on the LDD chat and I didn't mean to make you sad. I guess I am not aline in feeling this way sometimes. Guess I should back track and read the old blogs. So even though you didn't plan on helping someone else when you wrote this blog - you helped me. Dang this is tough! Thanks
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