Funny Story

Wait, did I say funny? I meant humiliatingly embarrassing, and ultimately, very painful. You might think it was funny. I sure didn't! It all started when:

"Um...Kay?" my friend's alarmed warning came through the phone speaker. "Jay isn't able to hear you right now, right?"

I laughed. "No, coast is clear," I assured her. "He just went to bed."

Digressing here for a moment. Does it seem strange to you that she asked me that? Well, yeah, me too. But the truth is, I have a pretty horrible track record in this area. This particular friend has been known to gasp in horror many a time as I forget my surroundings and say, as usual, the first thing that pops in my head. Like the time I probably almost gave her a heart attack when, in the midst of venting about one of most hated rules, I seethed into the phone, "whatever, whatever, whatever, WHATEVER!" thinking my dear hubby was still sleeping. He wasn't. "Really," came a distinctly HOH voice, as I saw with horror Jay's head poke out the bedroom door to shake at me with amused disbelief. You'd think I would have learned from the memorable spanking that followed, but nope. Confound my ADHD! So yeah, my friend looks out for me. Both sometimes as a sort of conscience, and let's face it, the voice of common sense, pulling me from my "picking daisies la la la" oblivious world back to reality. That's what friends are for, right?

So anyway, getting back to that night... where was I? Oh yeah, I'd told my friend Jay couldn't hear me, that I was sure of it. She asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was picking up the baby room, in preparation for putting him down for the night. Now I'm sure a lot of those of you reading out there who either have a baby, or who have ever had one notice the glaring detail I was failing to recognize about the situation. (If you do, pat yourself on the back--good for you--and now kindly shut up!) Yeah, I know, I should have seen it too. I am intelligent, I promise! Maybe I can blame the very strong cherry wine that I had had earlier that night?

As it was, I was talking rather freely about the way the night had ended: I'd gotten out of a spanking! And why? Because of my genius plan, mwhahaha! I'd made sure the baby was still up when Mr. Evil HOH had to go to bed! So he'd be tired, and let the spanking go! Not the most submissive attitude, I know. So my friend told me too. Can I blame the wine again? Because it didn't stop there. Nope. I may have...um...started to brag about how easy it was to weasel out of spankings since Jay had to go to bed so early nowadays. That I could get away with a lot if I wanted to right now! Well, my friend is listening to me happily jabber away, no doubt impressed with my bravery? (maybe not), and I'm finished getting the room in order, and just about ready to put down my sweet child for the night, (life is good!), when my eyes fall upon a small light of a very active...baby monitor.

"Oh no, I forgot about the baby monitor," I murmured under my breath in utter dismay.

"Yeah," came a voice from the bedroom, both amused and HOH-y. Hearing that voice made my stomach drop, as I inwardly kicked myself for being such an idiot.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" I cried in a panic to my friend.

"What, Kay, what?" my concerned friend asked. "What's wrong?"

"Oh no, oh no!" I continued, "I don't want to tell you..."

"Kay, what happened?" she prodded.

"The baby monitor..." I whispered miserably, in complete embarrassment.

"You said all that with Jay listening?"she asked.

"Yes, she did!" came my husbands voice. "Now that that's over, Sweetie, can you hurry up and put the baby down, then take your conversation to the living room? I need to get some sleep!"

His voice was deceptively friendly, but yeah, I knew better. He'd remained quiet on purpose, amusedly listening to everything I said, wondering how long I would sink myself before realizing my mistake. There was no way he was going to let this go. I was in for it, the following night.

Yep, I was right, of course! This was along the same lines to my husband as saying, "or what?" a total challenge, a challenge to his authority that couldn't go unanswered. Do HOH's always have to take these things so personally?! I learned a lesson that night, one that I'd not soon forget. It wasn't about being aware of my surroundings as much as my heart attitude, and why weaseling and manipulating should have no place in that equation. And how I need to be respectful of him, even on the phone with my friends. Ouchie! Afterwards, I should mention, I asked him to rub on some arnica oil to where it hurt the most. He did--he rubbed it on our implement and applied it, not hard, but definitely not in the way I wanted him to! Thinks he's a funny guy. Grrrr...

Anyway, my friend's response to my humbling, embarrassing mess-up? She thought it was ROFL flippin' hilarious. I think her exact words were, "Wow, Kay, if you get in trouble for this, you have to blog about it!" Yeah, real sympathetic. My thoughts exactly!

So my friend, this post is dedicated to you. And to all those out there with a baby who practice DD, if you decide to share secrets with a friend that you don't want your husband to hear, and you happen to be in the baby room and he in the bedroom, learn a lesson from my night of pain...and make sure the freakin' baby monitor isn't on!