Sorting Through the Present

So guess what? As of midnight yesterday, I finally achieved not getting in trouble for seven days! Yay me! Yes, feel free to offer your hearty congratulations...


All right, okay, there's too many of you that know what's been going on who will no doubt rain on my parade with all those pesky words of truth and conviction that I may as well tell you. I've been out of town on a trip since the Tuesday before last, and Jay has been back home since early Sunday morning. I'm actually writing this post while flying home. By that I mean I'm scribbling stuff down on paper and my phone's notepad, to be transcribed upon landing. Lots of things are going through my head right now. It's been quite the trip. And though I miss my husband like crazy, I'm not exactly looking forward to returning home. Especially with what's waiting for me...ugh!


Yes I was away from home in a resort type city, it was far from a vacation. I have family there, and this was for a wedding. Before I left was stress and more stress. I was nervous about going, because this was the first extended family event since my dad's funeral, and I knew it would be hard for me. I've never been around my extended family without my dad. And everything in this city reminds me of him, so much that its hard to separate the two in my head. And then there's the reality that his death rocked our formerly close family clan so much, that nothing's the same anymore.


I knew I would need support, so I begged Jay to be there with me for a few days, and seeing how much I needed it, and being the sweet guy he is, he of course got a few days off work and agreed to go. Yes, feel free to utter a heartfelt, "Awww!"; he definitely deserves it! Oh and did I forget to mention that this wedding could not have come at much worse of a time, and after forking over up front a whole lot to pass the FHA-required inspection for our house, and me not getting paid yet for the gigs I've worked, we took this trip totally broke? Yes quite an adventure, going to a place like this with practically nothing!


Anyway, I don't know what possessed me to say yes to my bro on this issue rather than the much simpler way of flying, but I agreed to drive down with him and his wife. Two full days in a car with my toddler son and my bro and sis-in-law who I love but can quickly drive me to insanity (think Sheldon in "The Big Bang Theory", I'm not exaggerating, it's eerie, some of the similarities! Evenso, both my child and I got through those two days swimmingly (I was so proud of my son!), and Jay meanwhile took a flight and met us there.
It was awesome to have him there, especially after our long travel ordeal, and great to be with him where I was safe and didn't have to worry about pesky rules and DD, yeah!


Wait, what's that? You're interrupting my story to ask me what? If I've been drinking coppertone? If maybe the hot sun addled my brain? If that long car ride maybe really did make me certifiably insane? I don't know! I do know that the night ended with me bent over the bed experiencing swats with his belt and listening to a lecture that I'm never "safe" just because we're on a trip, and I'd better stow away that attitude immediately. For later? Nah I won't go there...


He also let me know that he was extremely unhappy with the state of the room after I left.  Yes, I had been searching through everything for several things I wanted to bring, and may have left an eensy weensy mess. That was probably my small part of it. But the tremendous damage he was referring to must have been the aftermath of some random tornado that touched down only at our house and then went elsewhere. An unusual cosmic phenomenon to be sure, I can understand how such an unusual explanation was overlooked! Still though, I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Yep, that's the story I'm sticking with...Well of course, my meanie husband just doesn't see it that way. And wants to start my homecoming with a very BAD punishment he says will guarantee to get my attention, followed with more the rest of this weekend. So I've had that hanging over my head all week.



Oh and while my husband was still in town, we met another couple who happened to live there, Lily from Blogland and her husband. Hmmm, what's the word for that visit...maybe interesting? At first it was great. The two guys talked about work and general guy subjects, you know, shop stuff, which was just fine with me. Her husband did say something with a reference to DD, but it went whoosh! over my husband's head, which me and Lily thought was hilarious. And then conversation stayed in neutral territory.



Until...



They started talking shop. Yeah, that kind. Like it started out with talking about things that drove them crazy like how much we were on the network, and in blogland, or on the phone or computer, which they discovered they had in common. And other stuff like housework and listening...it was getting time to leave, but they weren't budging. Unlike Lily, I'm not a spanko! Why did I agree to this meeting anyway? Geez! Finally the conversation meandered back to neutral territory. which was good. For a brief time. But then somehow the HOH's steered the conversation back, and OMG, talk about mortifying! It became a "you know what I use" conversation, and I seriously wished I could have sunken into the floor. They discussed materials even! Ugh! Note to spanknos everywhere: be VERY careful with the whole two HOH's getting together! Just because it's said that an HOH might have lost his consistency and might be even considered harmless, doesn't mean all that might not come rushing back in seconds when in a DD conversation with another guy! Grrr! Okay, but other than that, I'll say it was fun to meet them. Although the consequences for my future might be still to be seen, the jury's still out!



The time with my extended family was good. Hard, emotional, but very good. And they loved my son, which was great. After Jay flew back we stayed with my favorite aunt, who is almost bedridden by now because of a debilitating condition and has been struggling with depression over it. But she laughed until she cried all week long over my son's antics. Especially with his famous "uh oh's," his considerate warning to everyone that he's about to cause mischief. So yeah, I think it was good for all involved.



And even though I had no money while I was there (hey, guess what I just found out, I got paid today, figures!),and even though it was so different from any family reunion I've experienced, it was a welcome rest. No father-in-law to deal with, no housework, I got to show my near perfect child off, it was great. And I'm not exactly excited to return to reality.



I'm now returning to the world of rules and accountability. And housework, ugh! Not to mention my husband's disapproval. Tonight, after my husband gets home, is going to be VERY hard to get through. I've been told for a week how bad it's going to be. And how it's going to repeat every twenty-four hours until I get that room spotless. Yeah I know, just get it done, right? It's actually not that simple. There's still a lot of things that are still in bags and stuff from moving. It will take days even working hard. Not to mention, I've got to dive into this immediately! No recovery time from the flight home. No enjoying the weekend and the time when my husband is home. No gradually adjusting back to my responsibilities, and gently slipping back into our agreed upon roles. Just bam! Back to, how did our friend Stormy put it? Oh yeah, TFTWD. I've been gone only a little over a week, and the last thing I want to do is submit! I might even want to rebel, you know, not give him the satisfaction, we'll see if I'm that brave. A long ways til I can get myself back in that whole mindset? Oh baby, yeah. I don't have a death wish, honest! Maybe pray for me?



Okay so it's been hours later since I wrote the above, and I'm home. After greeting my husband, I went into the bedroom to view what was making him so upset, and honestly felt like I was going to be sick. I don't know how it got that bad. I don't think I was thinking straight when I was leaving, not that that's an excuse. But I will tell you all my weaseling thoughts vanished, looking around. He's justified in saying that our bedroom, our sanctuary can't look like that, even when I can't find something. I've not been fair to him. And that he's been more than patient waiting for me to get that closet in order and all those bags and boxes figured out. I know that, and as much as I hate it, I know he's doing his job, I agree. Sigh. Although...knowing I deserve a punishment doesn't make it that that much easier to get through. And aside from the fact that I'm not going to be likely sitting down for awhile, I'm not even sure how long it's going to take me to find everything an appropriate home. Even with him grounding me, which he also did. I do know I need to stop writing and get on this. Like now, well, after these final few words. I'm not even proofreading this thing or even reading it over. Just getting it out, so you know what's happening. Even though he has yet to spell it out, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be allowed on the computer again for awhile.



But this is good, right? No more shoving things I'd rather not deal with in the closet. And I guess I'm not just referring to the clothes in my bedroom. That's this dynamic. And in more than the short run, it will be better for the both of us.



When I get through it. UGH!!



Maybe pray for me?