It all started with a dream Jay had one night. Well, let me back up.
We've been married for a few years, but known each other for far longer than that. And spanking for infractions has long been a part of our relationship. But it was really sporadic, and hardly ever, only used as a last resort, really. And though I just always accepted it as our reality, I never submitted to him in any other way. In fact, I ran from it. I'm from the Northwest. Feminism is rampant here. Women are often seen as equal to men in every way, sometimes even superior. He's from the South. We've always disagreed on what our roles in our marriage should be. He has always wanted me to be more domestic. My response? If you wanted a Stepford Wife, you should have married one. I hate cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry with a passion. What's more, I hate being told what to do. And I will fight for my rights with claws extended.
I did one of those Facebook quizzes of who my husband and I were most like from the movies, and it came back as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Although the dynamic is changing now, our marriage has always been what would be termed a volatile marriage. Someone described it as you hear the screaming at the top of their lungs, and what's it about? Whether to get 40 or 60 watt bulbs (or maybe in our case fluorescent vs LED). We've always fought a lot, and bantered when not fighting. It's usually had a playful edge. Usually. But ALWAYS competitive. We have a fierce love for each other. We've been through a lot, and we absolutely complete one another. That's us.
So back to the dream. Can't tell you what it was, but I will tell you it disturbed me greatly, when Jay shared that he dreamed this. I could tell he was super stressed, and very agitated with me. I realized that I had put a lot on him by my immaturity, and he didn't deserve that. What's more, I had recently found out I was pregnant, and I had my own stresses of wanting to be a good mom. It set me thinking that I had to grow up somehow. What's more, Jay had had enough of the condition of the house, and started talking about breaking out our seldom-used paddle if things didn't improve. That got me a little worried about hurting my kid, and since you can find anything on the internet no matter how bizarre, I decided to put "spanking" and "pregnancy" into the search engine to see if anyone knew if it was safe. Wouldn't you know it, I came across sites like Christian Domestic Discipline. I read in fascination (and a little horror) how this was actually a lifestyle, that other people practiced this, and not just in foreign countries. And as I read, it struck me how different this lifestyle was from what we had. These wives actually submitted! And were happy! Some even hated housework as much as me, and learned to be able to keep up with it via this motivation! I knew I needed to change, both for my husband and my coming child. And I didn't think I could do it on my own, I've tried. So I thought about it, prayed about it a bunch, and finally decided to temporarily pursue this. I typed out a contract. It was to be for forty days, a kind of temporary boot camp, where for the first time, I'd submit to his leadership, so that he could teach me the skills I'd need to be a good mother and a better wife.
With trepidation, I approached him. "Honey, can we talk? In the room?" (We always would lay on the bed together to talk and unwind, or talk about serious issues).
"Oka-ay," he hesitated. What's this about?"
I swallowed hard. "I came to a conclusion about something important. And I need to read you this."
He shot me an exasperated look. He's always hated when I get what he calls massively emotional, and he has to hear me vent. And he both hates reading and hearing things read. "Okay, Sweetie. Fine, I'll listen to it if it means that much."
We sat on the bed, and I nervously pulled it out. The first thing he did was laugh, amused by the formality of it. But as I began to read, including my reasons for doing so, my thoughts on the subject, and the new roles we'd commit to, his laughter died, and he began to listen intently, nodding knowingly, even reading over my shoulder before I did. "Make sure you read that next part nice and loud," he surprised me by saying. "Because you know I'm going to hold you to it."
I gulped at his enthusiasm. Was I going to regret this? It would start that coming Monday. I was hoping I'd survive! When we finished going through it, and I made sure he had nothing more he wanted to add, I asked him what he thought about all this. Honestly, the guy looked relieved, like a burden had been lifted off his chest. "The truth is," he informed me, already trying out his new role, "if you hadn't come to me with this, I was planning on having a talk with you this weekend. I've been overly fed up with everything the way it is. So Monday, we'll see--we'll start this. I'll take this contract to refer to and know how to keep you accountable, you print out another one for yourself." And that was that.
That Monday, I was given a few tasks. My head was swimming with everything going on, and I didn't complete them. Jay came home, and immediately noted each thing. I fearfully waited. "Strike one, Strike two," he counted. "I've decided to do a strike system. The first one is a warning. The second you will probably be disciplined, but we'll see, largely dependent on your attitude. And the third makes it definite."
I know this may be hard to believe, but it didn't take long for me to get to Strike Three. The discipline hurt, but wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Of course, it was accompanied by a stern, "If this behavior doesn't change, next time will be harder." Double gulp. But what was the most amazing was the love that accompanied it. Maybe it was because I was choosing to submit for this, I don't know. But as I began to experience these disciplines, I was struck by his tenderness and wisdom. He wasn't abusing his power like I had feared. He was trying to help me.
I saw a change in him. He began to take more of a leadership role, he grew more protective of me, and cherishing. It was profound. And it changed my attitude about submission completely. I had thought it would be like a sentence of death that I'd endure the short time for the greater good of our marriage and family. Instead, I found I had a new respect for him, one that actually made me desire to submit. Totally opposite of everything I believed in. Now it was no longer just about him teaching me things. It was about reaching a level together I'd never imagined. So we extended it. Then we made it permanent.
It's been on and off because I have to admit I haven't been the best learner, and he had been frustrated, wondering if it's even effective (although he doesn't wonder as much now). He also hasn't liked to spank me (and when he does, I don't WANT to be spanked because that means it's serious!). Anyway, now he's getting more comfortable with his HOH role, and it's scary how well he's adapting!
So all that brings us to the present...
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